3w6d

That's right, it has been confirmed. I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HcG was 322 and Progesterone was >20 (they dont tell you a number after that). I go back Sunday for repeat blood work. I am in shock.

IUI #2 - 12dpiui

I am not changing the titles of my posts yet because I want this confirmed first. I took a digital last night that said Pregnant and an EPT this morning that was positive but when I got home this evening the line was a lot lighter. Does that mean anything? It is a different brand than the kind I took yesterday because CVS didnt have anymore of the FRER so I cant compare the 2 days. I am getting worried. I was so happy and confident today and this has ruined it. I am anxious for the beta tomorrow and more anxious for the follow up to make sure that it doubles. I just want to see it double. I am so scared. Of course I am now watching Birth Day on Discovery Health and I am crying. This is making me even more scared. What if this isnt real? What if it was the trigger? What if it doesnt last? Is it possible go through the loss and heartbreak of a miscarriage followed by a year of frustration and infertility only to miscarry again? Will I survive it? I'm scared...

IUI #2 - 11dpiui

Umm... sooo... I think I got a BFP. I mean I know the test was positive, it was obviously positive, took all of 15 seconds for those 2 pink lines to show up. I am just worried that it is leftover trigger. It is 13 days since I took the trigger, it should definitely be out by now but there is always that small chance since I didnt test it out. I called Dr. F's office to see if I can come in before Monday for a beta. I need this confirmed or I might go crazy.

I will write more later, I am at work.

IUI #2 - 10dpiui

Hmm... how am I feeling? Conflicted I think is a good answer. I was so confident and now I am feeling a little more unsure. It is almost like I am confident that it worked and confident that it didnt all at the same time. I dont think I will be surprised by either outcome. I am not feeling that urge to test that usually comes around this time. Can I hold out until Saturday? I am going to try. I think I will at least wait until Friday.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that I was full-term and I could make out the outline of a foot poking out so I was touching it. All of a sudden, it just kind of popped through, not gross, it was just in my hand. Then the rest of the baby came out. We drove to the hospital and I told them that the cord was still attached. I later wondered why we didnt call an ambulance. It was a girl and we named her Amelia, which is our top girl name. I was very concerned about getting the birth announcements out right away, I even saw what they looked like. I could feel the foot in my hand, it was so real. I looked in the mirror and saw my big baby belly (not unsimilar to my current not-baby-but-fat belly). Does this mean something? Probably not but it was interesting, I dont remember having many dreams like that. Here's hoping it was a look into what's to come (although maybe the birth could go a little differently).

Let's score the 2ww to see what my chances are. My temp was high but then went down yesterday. It went back up today but not as high as it had been (-1). I dont feel any different, not more gassy, extra sensitive boobs, nauseous, nothing (-1). My boobs did get pretty big (+1)but it seemed like last cycle they never really shrunk back down so maybe it is just because of that (-1, net to 0). The due date would be perfect to keep with family tradition (+1). This was the best cycle I've had so far, big mature follie plus the possibility for a second, thick lining, good numbers for the IUI (+1). So when I add that all up I get.... 0. No indication either way. Awesome. I guess I just have to wait 4 more days to find out.

In kitchen news, I am still frustrated with the tile search. I dont know where to go to find glass tile. UGH! I am starting to feel pressure to make a decision because if I have to order it and it takes a week or more to come in then I need to order soon. We are also going to have to start packing up the kitchen and dining room leaving only necessities behind. It is going to be a few weeks of eating out and microwave meals I guess!

IUI #2 - 8 dpiui

So have I told you that I'm pregnant? I am so convinced that I am pregnant this cycle, it is almost scary. I dont know why, I just have this calm, confident feeling. I had some cramping in my uterus a few days ago (I know that it was my uterus because of the wonderful cramps I experienced during the IUI). My temp has been consistently high, higher than normal for sure. And the most convincing part, if I got pregnant this cycle I would be due Nov 22. DH, his dad and brother's birthdays are all Nov 23 or 24, mine is Nov 18 and his SIL's is in Nov also. So it would only be fitting to be due in Nov. Also, our last pregnancy would have been due in November. So, all of those things combined are enough evidence for me. I am pregnant. I am still trying to hold out until Saturday to test but I am getting a little more anxious so I might not make it.

So let me tell you about my crazy dream last night. There was some kind of microscope/ultrasound gadget that I was able to look through to see the fertilized egg floating down the fallopian tubes. I saw the sperm penetrate the egg and the fertilization started. I wish I could draw a picture of what it looked like because this is how I imagine it happening. I followed all of the sperm up from my uterus into the tube and then saw that I got to a point and the sperm were swimming the other way so I went back a little bit and I saw the egg right at fertilization. Then I kept going up the tube and saw what looked like a much smaller egg (my 15mm) with less sperm around it but also fertilized. I really wish I had that instrument. I would love to be able to see inside my uterus/tubes to know what is going on in there. Oh well, I am in the 2nd week of the 2ww. Not too much longer to wait.

Last night we went to a comedy show for my cousins school. My uncles son (from a previous marriage, so like my step-cousin - we'll call C) and his wife were there. We had barely said hi, B offered to get me a soda and when he left C asked me flat out if I was pregnant. I said no and didnt really say anything else about it. I assumed it was because I had asked B for a soda instead of a beer. So I was annoyed but just left it alone. Halfway through the night B told me that C and his wife had asked him if I was pregnant. So I guess my response wasnt enough, they were convinced. This really upset me because I went from thinking it was because of the soda and became convinced it was because I am fat. I was almost in tears on the way home (another pregnancy symptom? I dont usually cry, I get angry). I may have been a little more sensitive because 2 nights before this event last year, we had found out we were pregnant for the first time. Anyway, I know I have gained weight but I am working on losing it. I have lost 7lbs by changing my diet. I cant exercise because it just isnt productive due to my IF treatment schedule. A typical cycle is like this... week 1 - depressed from getting AF, eat instead of working out. week 2 - this is the time that I could possibly work out and occasionally do. week 3 & 4 - 2ww, not working out. So how am I supposed to exercise consistently? I am well aware of the weight I have gained, I see it in pictures all the time. I guess it just seems silly to try to lose weight when I am going to be pregnant soon. A year and a half later, that doesnt seem like such a great plan but it is still hard to get motivated. I really hope I am no longer fat and just pregnant soon...

IUI #2 - 6dpiui

I am sleepy... so very, very sleepy. I wonder how I make it through the day without falling asleep at my desk. I am clumsy because my reflexes are slowed. It is altogether bad. I am blaming the prometrium. I have taken it the last 2 cycles but maybe I already have extra progesterone from the 2 follicles and so the prometrium on top of it is just overwhelming my system. Besides that, nothing really to report. My temp today was nice and high, it was the first time I had taken it all cycle but 98.48 is on the higher side of normal post-O temps. Again, I attribute this to 2 follicles plus the supplement. I have been a little crampy occasionally but nothing too bad. Lots of CM unlike last cycle. All good things but they dont necessarily mean anything. On a probably unrelated note, I am bruising like crazy! I have all kinds of nasty random bruises showing up. I dont remember getting hurt but I must have hit something and I am just extra sensitive right now. It is most likely because of the aspirin I have been taking, maybe I should cut back on that. People are going to think that I'm abused. I was considering testing out my trigger starting today but I didnt have any dollar store tests and I havent had the energy to go out and get any so I am going to wait until at least 12dpiui, hopefully 14dpiui, to pee with a purpose, as my blog friend Gia put it.

In other news, I though that the one year anniversary of my first BFP was this weekend but it turns out it was last week (I was not going by date but by an annual event that happened to coincide). I think I'm glad that I missed it, no need to dwell. I cant believe it has been a year and I am still in the same place. No closer to having a baby. A BFP this cycle would really mean a lot (not like it wouldnt any other cycle, but you know what I mean).

Kitchen update: I got an email from the counter manufacture saying the sample that I ordered was discontinued. Awesome. So I guess I need to pick new counters. I have been looking at tile and flooring but nothing has wow'ed me yet. I will keep looking. I want to wait until I have samples so I can see everything together. We are going tomorrow to finalize the cabinet layout and place our official order. I am excited to get this process started!!! I will update with our new counter choice when we finally make a decision.

IUI #2 - DONE!

I had my second of 2 IUIs yesterday morning. The cramping was way more intense than the others have been, it went all the way down my leg. And then while I was in pain the RE asked if B wanted to do the insemination. So B actually inseminated me! That was kind of neat except that I was in pain so I just wanted it to be over rather that waiting for him to get up and over there and the RE to show him how to do it. Anyway, it only took a minute or so and then it was done. Our count was down a little to 60 million with 80% motility but still good. So now we wait. I am going to do the pomegranate and pineapple thing just because it is the only think I can do to help but besides that I am going to try to keep myself busy with kitchen stuff.

We went to the kitchen design place yesterday to work on our kitchen layout. We ended up doing 2 layouts to try to maximize the space but ended up going with our original plan because I didnt think the second was as functional even though it did give us more base cabinet space. So after 3 1/2 hours, we decided on a layout, chose cabinets, countertops, a sink, a faucet and hardware. We spent so much time on the layout that I felt a little rushed choosing the actual components so I might go back and browse around to make sure everything is what I want. Also, we might be tweaking the layout just a tad. He gave us 3-D images of the kitchen layout and I have been labeling what we will use the different areas for to make sure that we have everything we need and there is no wasted space. Luckily there is a lot to do for the kitchen so it will keep me occupied during this 2ww. And if you are interested, my cabinets and counters are above.