Thursday, January 17, 2008
CD2
The doctors office called yesterday but both doctors were out of the office so they said they would call me today. How considerate! Any other doctors office just wouldnt have called, this is amazing. So anyway, they called today. I am going to up my clomid dose to 100mg which was expected and everything else is going to stay the same. I go in tomorrow for CD3 blood work just to check things out and make sure there is nothing we are missing. They will give me my scripts for the cycle and then Saturday I start clomid again. My CD12 monitoring will be on Sunday, Jan 27 at 8:30am. Unfortunately, this means that I had to cancel my pampered chef demonstration that I was going to have that morning. Since I will probably be working on Saturday I am not going to have time to clean the house and make food and everything. It will just be easier. Plus I will most likely be a teensy bit cranky at this point in my cycle and if the u/s and b/w don't go well then I will probably be more than a teensy bit cranky. So really I am saving people and protecting friendships this way. Here we go cycle #2. I hate to say it but I am not optimistic for this cycle. I just dont think this is going to work. I am predicting thin lining or no CM. I think I am going to take mucinex this cycle to help with the CM. Evening primrose oil didnt do enough last cycle so I need to step it up.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
CD1
Well we are starting over again. I continued spotting, my temp was down the entire time and now it is 5 days later and AF is here. I was upset about it on Monday but I am ok today. Monday I was questioning whether I could do it again and today I am ready to get started again. I am waiting for a call from the REs office to let me know what we are going to do this cycle and we will go from there. Medicated cycles are a little better than regular cycles because there is always something new happening so you arent waiting that long between events. I imagine I will be starting clomid on Saturday so only a few days until I get to do something that could bring me a step closer to having a baby. I will update when I find out what the plan is going to be.
Cycle Reflection:
1 - I am a bitch on clomid
2 - I get hot flashes on clomid
3 - My LP was weak (low temps, spotting) which concerns me and I think I want a higher dose of progesterone
4 - I would like a higher dose of clomid so there is an opportunity for 2 mature follicles and/or the follicle(s) will be mature earlier
5 - I would like to have some testing done to make sure there are no other problems. Just CD3 b/w for me and a SA and maybe b/w for B. We thought my thyroid was the only issue and apparently it's not so I want to make sure there arent any other issues that can be corrected/planned around.
6 - I am going to start the infertility diet. I think it pertains to me and it is probably one of the only things that I can do to help. Plus, I could stand to lose a pound or twenty.
That's all for now. I knew I wasnt going to be that first-clomid-cycle-BFP story.
Cycle Reflection:
1 - I am a bitch on clomid
2 - I get hot flashes on clomid
3 - My LP was weak (low temps, spotting) which concerns me and I think I want a higher dose of progesterone
4 - I would like a higher dose of clomid so there is an opportunity for 2 mature follicles and/or the follicle(s) will be mature earlier
5 - I would like to have some testing done to make sure there are no other problems. Just CD3 b/w for me and a SA and maybe b/w for B. We thought my thyroid was the only issue and apparently it's not so I want to make sure there arent any other issues that can be corrected/planned around.
6 - I am going to start the infertility diet. I think it pertains to me and it is probably one of the only things that I can do to help. Plus, I could stand to lose a pound or twenty.
That's all for now. I knew I wasnt going to be that first-clomid-cycle-BFP story.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
10 dpo
So I havent written in a while because work is crazy busy. Here is a little update on what has happened. I have zero symptoms, even with the prometrium, and I started spotting today. Spotting is not good news unless it is implantation spotting. I wont know that for a few days I guess. Another one of Dr. F's patients just got a BFP this week from her first cycle with him. That was so encouraging until today... spotting...
I will update in a few days if I get a break from work. I am not looking forward to the rest of this busy season. It is going to suck.
I will update in a few days if I get a break from work. I am not looking forward to the rest of this busy season. It is going to suck.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
4dpo
So according to fertilityfriend, I am 4dpo. I think I am only 3dpo but I guess it doesnt really matter. I took my first dose of progesterone today so I am going to stop charting. Last night B and I went to the store to pick up the implantation supplies. This included 2 pineapples and necessary ingredients for pineapple smoothies and pomegranate juice. Both are supposed to help with implantation. These medicated cycles are much more intense than an unmedicated cycle. I feel like there is so much more pressure for this to work and I need to do everything possible to help. According to fertilityfriend our timing this month was High. I have never gotten a High before, the best we've done is Good, so I am very excited. Obviously I know that it doesnt necessarily mean anything but it is hard not to be optimistic when it seems like all conditions are perfect. It is funny, I keep going back and forth between "this has to work, this is going to work" to "there is no way this is working and I should prepare myself for that now." This will continue for the next week and a half.
So in Gretchens blog she asked the question "Who am I?" and it had me thinking. Who am I? I am certainly not who I expected to be at this point. I feel like I am in limbo right now. I have considered going back to school for nursing but I dont want to start something like that when I could get pregnant at any time. Plus, when we do have kids, I will be staying home so no point in going to school when I am not going to be working anyway. I can't stay at my current job much longer. I hate it and it shows. I am not motivated to do anything or learn new things. I do just enough to get by and my recent promotion demands much more than that, it isn't fair to the people I work with. I expected to be a mom by now and I feel like I am just passing time until that happens. Honestly, when I think about what is important in life and where my priorities are, family is most important. Not having kids is not an option. I know I can't live in this limbo much longer, and hopefully I wont have to, but I find it incredibly difficult to make plans as if we are not going to have kids soon. I try to take advantage of some things like going out to brunch with the girls or having lazy days at home but I just cant make huge life changes. What should I do? Should I be living my life like we wont get pregnant? Should I stay in this limbo hoping it will happen soon? I have been in this place for over a year now and it is getting old. I dont know if I can do it for another year.
So in Gretchens blog she asked the question "Who am I?" and it had me thinking. Who am I? I am certainly not who I expected to be at this point. I feel like I am in limbo right now. I have considered going back to school for nursing but I dont want to start something like that when I could get pregnant at any time. Plus, when we do have kids, I will be staying home so no point in going to school when I am not going to be working anyway. I can't stay at my current job much longer. I hate it and it shows. I am not motivated to do anything or learn new things. I do just enough to get by and my recent promotion demands much more than that, it isn't fair to the people I work with. I expected to be a mom by now and I feel like I am just passing time until that happens. Honestly, when I think about what is important in life and where my priorities are, family is most important. Not having kids is not an option. I know I can't live in this limbo much longer, and hopefully I wont have to, but I find it incredibly difficult to make plans as if we are not going to have kids soon. I try to take advantage of some things like going out to brunch with the girls or having lazy days at home but I just cant make huge life changes. What should I do? Should I be living my life like we wont get pregnant? Should I stay in this limbo hoping it will happen soon? I have been in this place for over a year now and it is getting old. I dont know if I can do it for another year.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
One more thing...
This article was posted by someone on TTTC. I think it should be required reading for people who have "advice" but have never dealt with IF.
http://www.justmommies.com/articles/trying-too-hard.shtml
Trying to Get Pregnant - Are You Trying Too Hard?
Trying to conceive is supposed to be a natural process that is easy, at least, that is what people would lead you to think. Yet, if you have been trying to conceive for many months or even years, you may realize that having children does not come easily for everyone. In fact, each month, a woman has only a twenty to thirty percent chance of conceiving. Most women will conceive within a year of trying but a small percentage of women will still not conceive even after a year of diligently trying.
If you have been trying to conceive for any length of time you have probably been given advice from well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning friends or family. You have likely heard the suggestion that you need to relax and stop trying so hard. Maybe you were told something like this “I knew this couple that tried for years to get pregnant and as soon as they stopped trying, they got pregnant”. Or another common statement you might here is a story about someone who finally decided to adopt and then they turned up pregnant.
Is there any truth to this? Does trying too hard really cut down your chances of conceiving? There has been much debate about the impact of stress on fertility. Some researchers believe that stress impacts fertility but it is not clear whether the infertility causes the stress or stress causes infertility. There is no question, that fertility issues can put a strain on any relationship. For a couple trying to conceive, the journey often starts out with enthusiasm and optimism. After several cycles of trying, this optimism may soon lead to despair and frustration.
Although stress may have an impact on a couple’s fertility it is more likely that stress is the result of infertility not the cause. Most couples will conceive within a year of trying. For couples who do not conceive within a year or two of trying there is almost always a physical cause for their infertility. In fact, 90% of all infertility has an identifiable physical cause. Couples will want to be evaluated by a doctor if they have been trying for over a year and have not had success at conceiving.
What about the stories of couples adopting and later becoming pregnant? Does fertility improve when you stop trying? This is simply not true. Although, it is not completely unheard of for a woman to get pregnant after adopting the statistics do not show any improvement in fertility. The percentage of women getting pregnant after adopting is about 5 percent, which is the same as women who have infertility and do not adopt. (source: www.resolve.org)
Can you have too much sex? Does trying too hard cut down your chances of getting pregnant? Women only have a short period of time when they are fertile. Having sex frequently during this period of time will increase your chances of getting pregnant. Most experts recommend having sex at least every other day during a woman’s fertile period. It was once suggested that men with low sperm counts abstain from sex prior to ovulation to increase their sperm count. However, recent studies have not shown that abstaining improves sperm count. In fact In men with low sperm counts, the researchers found the volume of semen increased after prolonged abstinence, but the quality got gradually worse the longer the men held back." (source:www.intelihealth.com)
The bottom line is that there is no such thing as trying too hard. The difference between a couple that conceives when trying and a couple that does not is not based on how hard they try. Implying that relaxation or not trying increases your chances of getting pregnant, only alienates couples that are trying to conceive and adds to their frustration. Exactly how do you try less when you desperately want a baby? There are no penalties for trying too hard. If you and your partner have been trying to conceive for over a year consult your doctor for fertility treatment options. Trying or not trying hard enough does not cause infertility.
http://www.justmommies.com/articles/trying-too-hard.shtml
Trying to Get Pregnant - Are You Trying Too Hard?
Trying to conceive is supposed to be a natural process that is easy, at least, that is what people would lead you to think. Yet, if you have been trying to conceive for many months or even years, you may realize that having children does not come easily for everyone. In fact, each month, a woman has only a twenty to thirty percent chance of conceiving. Most women will conceive within a year of trying but a small percentage of women will still not conceive even after a year of diligently trying.
If you have been trying to conceive for any length of time you have probably been given advice from well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning friends or family. You have likely heard the suggestion that you need to relax and stop trying so hard. Maybe you were told something like this “I knew this couple that tried for years to get pregnant and as soon as they stopped trying, they got pregnant”. Or another common statement you might here is a story about someone who finally decided to adopt and then they turned up pregnant.
Is there any truth to this? Does trying too hard really cut down your chances of conceiving? There has been much debate about the impact of stress on fertility. Some researchers believe that stress impacts fertility but it is not clear whether the infertility causes the stress or stress causes infertility. There is no question, that fertility issues can put a strain on any relationship. For a couple trying to conceive, the journey often starts out with enthusiasm and optimism. After several cycles of trying, this optimism may soon lead to despair and frustration.
Although stress may have an impact on a couple’s fertility it is more likely that stress is the result of infertility not the cause. Most couples will conceive within a year of trying. For couples who do not conceive within a year or two of trying there is almost always a physical cause for their infertility. In fact, 90% of all infertility has an identifiable physical cause. Couples will want to be evaluated by a doctor if they have been trying for over a year and have not had success at conceiving.
What about the stories of couples adopting and later becoming pregnant? Does fertility improve when you stop trying? This is simply not true. Although, it is not completely unheard of for a woman to get pregnant after adopting the statistics do not show any improvement in fertility. The percentage of women getting pregnant after adopting is about 5 percent, which is the same as women who have infertility and do not adopt. (source: www.resolve.org)
Can you have too much sex? Does trying too hard cut down your chances of getting pregnant? Women only have a short period of time when they are fertile. Having sex frequently during this period of time will increase your chances of getting pregnant. Most experts recommend having sex at least every other day during a woman’s fertile period. It was once suggested that men with low sperm counts abstain from sex prior to ovulation to increase their sperm count. However, recent studies have not shown that abstaining improves sperm count. In fact In men with low sperm counts, the researchers found the volume of semen increased after prolonged abstinence, but the quality got gradually worse the longer the men held back." (source:www.intelihealth.com)
The bottom line is that there is no such thing as trying too hard. The difference between a couple that conceives when trying and a couple that does not is not based on how hard they try. Implying that relaxation or not trying increases your chances of getting pregnant, only alienates couples that are trying to conceive and adds to their frustration. Exactly how do you try less when you desperately want a baby? There are no penalties for trying too hard. If you and your partner have been trying to conceive for over a year consult your doctor for fertility treatment options. Trying or not trying hard enough does not cause infertility.
O Day
So today is supposed to be ovulation day (to be confirmed by a temp spike tomorrow). We have done everything we could to make this work considering B didn't get home until 3am last night, we are devoted to the cause. One last time tonight for good measure (hopefully earlier than 3am) and the rest is out of our hands. I am thinking about eating some pineapple core over the next 5 days or just drinking a lot of pineapple juice. I dont like pineapple so this is going to be fun, again, devoted to the cause. If pineapple will get me pregnant, I am going to ingest it!!! This morning I didnt have time to take my meds before I left for work so I packed them all up in a little baggy and brought them with me. I look like a 70 year old woman with all of the freaking pills I am taking! PLUS it is only going to increase starting Sunday - I will be adding 2 more to my daily intake, bringing the total up to 8 if I am still taking the cold medicine.
I am considering torturing myself by going to see Juno. It is a movie about a teenage girl that gets pregnant and the baby is adopted. From what I have heard, it is a rough viewing for the infertiles. This only made me want to see it more. I think I enjoy torturing myself. Or maybe I am looking for a cathartic outlet. Not sure which. I will probably wait until it is on OnDemand so I can sob in the privacy of my own home. I hate when you are at the movies and the lights turn on and you have turned into a raccoon.
PS I bought 4 $Tree pg tests to test out my trigger. I will wait until 5 or 6 dpt to start testing so I dont waste too many. Hopefully the first one will be negative and I can start my obsessive actual testing soon after. Ok so 4 dpo might be a little early but what about 6?? :) I am working on waiting until the full 14.... haha.
I am considering torturing myself by going to see Juno. It is a movie about a teenage girl that gets pregnant and the baby is adopted. From what I have heard, it is a rough viewing for the infertiles. This only made me want to see it more. I think I enjoy torturing myself. Or maybe I am looking for a cathartic outlet. Not sure which. I will probably wait until it is on OnDemand so I can sob in the privacy of my own home. I hate when you are at the movies and the lights turn on and you have turned into a raccoon.
PS I bought 4 $Tree pg tests to test out my trigger. I will wait until 5 or 6 dpt to start testing so I dont waste too many. Hopefully the first one will be negative and I can start my obsessive actual testing soon after. Ok so 4 dpo might be a little early but what about 6?? :) I am working on waiting until the full 14.... haha.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Back to work
So today was my first day back to work since Dec 23. It was not fun. I cant wait to stop working... seriously. I wish I had a job I loved and was passionate about but unfortunately I decided to go for the money, which is nice and I can't complain about, but it doesnt make it any easier to wake up in the morning and go to work. My friend at work is about 12 weeks pregnant and I am thrilled for her, she had a miscarriage last January and it took them almost a year to get pregnant again (I think they were trying for about 9 months). She is still so scared which worries me. I am so much more of a worrier than she is so if she is still scared, I am going to be a mess when I get pregnant again. I just want to enjoy every minute of my pregnancy and not worry until there is a reason to worry but obviously that is not possible. So I will just try my hardest. I think if I didnt have to work that would make it easier (hint hint).
Did I talk about my trigger yet? I dont think I did... I had my first trigger last night! Yay! My aunt gave it to me because I knew I would be too chicken. I am a baby with needles which is kind of funny considering over the last year I have had about a million needles. I am fine if I don't look at it but obviously if I am giving it to myself I will have to watch. Hopefully this was a one time thing and I wont need anymore needles! I think it is symbolic that my trigger was on 1/1/08, it is the first day of the new year and the first day of this new phase in my life (being pregnancy). I should ovulate tomorrow and then on Sunday I start 200mg of prometrium. I have decided that I am only going to chart to confirm ovulation and then stop for the rest of the 2ww. It will just make me crazy, and I will be crazy anyway so I dont need anymore craziness. Bring on the 2ww!!
Did I talk about my trigger yet? I dont think I did... I had my first trigger last night! Yay! My aunt gave it to me because I knew I would be too chicken. I am a baby with needles which is kind of funny considering over the last year I have had about a million needles. I am fine if I don't look at it but obviously if I am giving it to myself I will have to watch. Hopefully this was a one time thing and I wont need anymore needles! I think it is symbolic that my trigger was on 1/1/08, it is the first day of the new year and the first day of this new phase in my life (being pregnancy). I should ovulate tomorrow and then on Sunday I start 200mg of prometrium. I have decided that I am only going to chart to confirm ovulation and then stop for the rest of the 2ww. It will just make me crazy, and I will be crazy anyway so I dont need anymore craziness. Bring on the 2ww!!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New Year!!
2008 is going to be great! That is my new mantra. It has to be great because 2007 was so not. I just want to reflect on 2007 and look forward to 2008 for a minute.
2007 was supposed to be our newlywed year. Everyone says your first year married is the hardest, they had no idea. We didnt have issues adjusting to each other or fighting all the time. It was, what I hope is the hardest year of our marriage because of all of the sadness, uncertainty and setbacks. We started out the year so hopeful and optimistic, we were certain that we would have a baby by the end of the year. When we got pregnant we were so excited, this was the beginning of the rest of our lives. I couldnt help but be worried because so many people I know had just lost their babies. I remember my mom saying, just relax, everything is going to be fine. But I just couldnt let myself get too attached. Was it mothers intuition? I knew that it wasnt going to work out? Or was it because I knew that the percentage of pregnancies that end in miscarriage is so high? Either way, I was as prepared as I could have been when we got the news. Unfortunately, that didnt make it any easier. It was a dark time. I think that was probably the worst thing I have been through. Now, as it relates to our newlywed year, B and I grieve in different ways. We had to figure out how to communicate and support each other through this. It wasn't always easy but it definitely brought us closer. I know that is such a cliche phrase and so over used but it is so true. I dont know if I would have made it through without him. A few months after the miscarriage, when we were finally recovering and ready to move on, I went to the OBGYN because I wasn't ovulating. He ran a bunch of tests and determine that my TSH was low indicating hyperthyroidism. This sent me to my PCP for more blood work and then to an endocrinologist for a diagnosis. We originally thought it was Grave's disease which would have required treatment and a LONG break from TTC. We started looking into international adoption and were ready to get started. It was then discovered that it I had thyroiditis and not Graves disease. This is good news in that it wont take nearly as long to recover (or shouldn't) but there is still recovery time. Unfortunately, only time could correct this, and of course, like everything else, this took longer than expected. I am still currently on synthroid because thyroiditis is like a roller coaster. The antibodies attacked my thyroid and expelled all of my thyroid hormone. My thyroid still hasnt completely recovered (and may never) and is now under active which led to the need for synthroid. I go back in a few weeks for another check of levels and hopefully I will be back to normal. So once my thyroid was corrected and my levels were ok on synthroid, I was hoping my cycles would go back to normal. No such luck. So I decided I was sick of waiting, we started trying to get pregnant in Oct 2006, and once the one year mark came I made an appointment with the RE. I am so glad I did it because I really dont think my cycles would have gone back to normal on their own. So this year, which started with so much hope and optimism, has ended with heartache and grief. Which leads to my mantra, 2008 will be great. It has to be. I never would have imagined that we would be here right now yet here we are. It isnt going to stop us, we will just have to work harder.
2007 was supposed to be our newlywed year. Everyone says your first year married is the hardest, they had no idea. We didnt have issues adjusting to each other or fighting all the time. It was, what I hope is the hardest year of our marriage because of all of the sadness, uncertainty and setbacks. We started out the year so hopeful and optimistic, we were certain that we would have a baby by the end of the year. When we got pregnant we were so excited, this was the beginning of the rest of our lives. I couldnt help but be worried because so many people I know had just lost their babies. I remember my mom saying, just relax, everything is going to be fine. But I just couldnt let myself get too attached. Was it mothers intuition? I knew that it wasnt going to work out? Or was it because I knew that the percentage of pregnancies that end in miscarriage is so high? Either way, I was as prepared as I could have been when we got the news. Unfortunately, that didnt make it any easier. It was a dark time. I think that was probably the worst thing I have been through. Now, as it relates to our newlywed year, B and I grieve in different ways. We had to figure out how to communicate and support each other through this. It wasn't always easy but it definitely brought us closer. I know that is such a cliche phrase and so over used but it is so true. I dont know if I would have made it through without him. A few months after the miscarriage, when we were finally recovering and ready to move on, I went to the OBGYN because I wasn't ovulating. He ran a bunch of tests and determine that my TSH was low indicating hyperthyroidism. This sent me to my PCP for more blood work and then to an endocrinologist for a diagnosis. We originally thought it was Grave's disease which would have required treatment and a LONG break from TTC. We started looking into international adoption and were ready to get started. It was then discovered that it I had thyroiditis and not Graves disease. This is good news in that it wont take nearly as long to recover (or shouldn't) but there is still recovery time. Unfortunately, only time could correct this, and of course, like everything else, this took longer than expected. I am still currently on synthroid because thyroiditis is like a roller coaster. The antibodies attacked my thyroid and expelled all of my thyroid hormone. My thyroid still hasnt completely recovered (and may never) and is now under active which led to the need for synthroid. I go back in a few weeks for another check of levels and hopefully I will be back to normal. So once my thyroid was corrected and my levels were ok on synthroid, I was hoping my cycles would go back to normal. No such luck. So I decided I was sick of waiting, we started trying to get pregnant in Oct 2006, and once the one year mark came I made an appointment with the RE. I am so glad I did it because I really dont think my cycles would have gone back to normal on their own. So this year, which started with so much hope and optimism, has ended with heartache and grief. Which leads to my mantra, 2008 will be great. It has to be. I never would have imagined that we would be here right now yet here we are. It isnt going to stop us, we will just have to work harder.
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