Happy New Year!!

2008 is going to be great! That is my new mantra. It has to be great because 2007 was so not. I just want to reflect on 2007 and look forward to 2008 for a minute.

2007 was supposed to be our newlywed year. Everyone says your first year married is the hardest, they had no idea. We didnt have issues adjusting to each other or fighting all the time. It was, what I hope is the hardest year of our marriage because of all of the sadness, uncertainty and setbacks. We started out the year so hopeful and optimistic, we were certain that we would have a baby by the end of the year. When we got pregnant we were so excited, this was the beginning of the rest of our lives. I couldnt help but be worried because so many people I know had just lost their babies. I remember my mom saying, just relax, everything is going to be fine. But I just couldnt let myself get too attached. Was it mothers intuition? I knew that it wasnt going to work out? Or was it because I knew that the percentage of pregnancies that end in miscarriage is so high? Either way, I was as prepared as I could have been when we got the news. Unfortunately, that didnt make it any easier. It was a dark time. I think that was probably the worst thing I have been through. Now, as it relates to our newlywed year, B and I grieve in different ways. We had to figure out how to communicate and support each other through this. It wasn't always easy but it definitely brought us closer. I know that is such a cliche phrase and so over used but it is so true. I dont know if I would have made it through without him. A few months after the miscarriage, when we were finally recovering and ready to move on, I went to the OBGYN because I wasn't ovulating. He ran a bunch of tests and determine that my TSH was low indicating hyperthyroidism. This sent me to my PCP for more blood work and then to an endocrinologist for a diagnosis. We originally thought it was Grave's disease which would have required treatment and a LONG break from TTC. We started looking into international adoption and were ready to get started. It was then discovered that it I had thyroiditis and not Graves disease. This is good news in that it wont take nearly as long to recover (or shouldn't) but there is still recovery time. Unfortunately, only time could correct this, and of course, like everything else, this took longer than expected. I am still currently on synthroid because thyroiditis is like a roller coaster. The antibodies attacked my thyroid and expelled all of my thyroid hormone. My thyroid still hasnt completely recovered (and may never) and is now under active which led to the need for synthroid. I go back in a few weeks for another check of levels and hopefully I will be back to normal. So once my thyroid was corrected and my levels were ok on synthroid, I was hoping my cycles would go back to normal. No such luck. So I decided I was sick of waiting, we started trying to get pregnant in Oct 2006, and once the one year mark came I made an appointment with the RE. I am so glad I did it because I really dont think my cycles would have gone back to normal on their own. So this year, which started with so much hope and optimism, has ended with heartache and grief. Which leads to my mantra, 2008 will be great. It has to be. I never would have imagined that we would be here right now yet here we are. It isnt going to stop us, we will just have to work harder.