Trigger tomorrow!

My appointment today was much better than Friday. I had a 17mm follie, nice and almost ripe! My nurse called with my b/w results but I was sleeping when she called so I'm not sure of the numbers. Estrogen was over 200, Progesterone was 1ish and LH was over 20. "Beautiful!" according to the nurse. Tomorrow night I will trigger and I should ovulate on Thursday. Sunday I am to start the progesterone supplements and then I should call back in 2 weeks for b/w if I dont get my period. I told her I hoped I would be calling her! She reminded me that unfortunately I would be calling either way (I would need to set up an appt to get the next cycle started). So I was certain that this cycle was a bust and I was wrong. I always assume the worst but that helps me cope. If I assume the worst and it turns out ok, I am pleasantly surprised. If I am right, at least I am semi-prepared.

SO about the trigger... first, they never told me at the office that it needed to be refridgerated. I only knew that from the nest (thanks nesties!). If I didnt know that I wouldnt have checked the box and then I wouldnt have refridgerated it and I would have ruined the whole thing. Ok, maybe I am being a little dramatic again but still, isnt that something they should have told me? Second, I really want to be able to give myself the trigger but I dont think I will be able to. I cant even watch when they take blood. So I think I am going to do it at my moms tomorrow since everyone will be over for dinner. Not that I want an audience but my aunts, who are both nurses, will be there and if I chicken out, they can give it to me. Oh and why isnt B giving it to me like everyone else's husband? Because he has the shakiest hands ever, especially when he is nervous. He is worried that he will break the needle while trying to give me the shot so he refuses to even attempt it. I dont want to make him do it if he isnt comfortable and I really dont want a broken needle in me!!

So here we go! I am ready for my first official 2ww since the miscarriage!! I hope this works.

Eh

That's about it, eh. Only 2 follicles and they were small, poor blood work results (estrogen - 62, progesterone - 1, LH - 9.3). A mature follicle should be at least 18mm with a corresponding estrogen level of 200-600. I am really scared that this cycle isn't going to work and I am never going to ovulate. I do go back Monday morning at 8:15 for another check but that is only 3 days away. If follicles grow 1-3mm/day then it is possible (barely) to have a mature follicle but more than likely it wont be. I wish there was something I could do to help but this is a waiting game. This process is a constant cycle of waiting. Waiting for your period, waiting for monitoring, waiting for results, waiting for more monitoring (if necessary), waiting for your period (or BFP), lather, rinse, repeat. I think I need some retail therapy. A new pair of skinny jeans for my new uggs would be perfect. If only I could fit into skinny jeans. I think I am going to set a little goal for myself. I am going to try 7lb increments. I think 10lbs is too much but 5 wont show enough of a result. Every 7 lbs I will reward myself with something and the first 7 will be skinny jeans. Maybe the next 7 will be an adorable bathing suit by Jessica Simpson that I saw on The View this morning, we'll see. Funny, I say this but really I hope that I start gaining weight and really have no intentions of losing weight. I need to though. I will just start being healthier and maybe exercise some and see how things go.

Dinner tonight at Ooka probably isnt going to help so maybe I will start tomorrow :)

First CD12 Monitoring

So I guess the good news is that they really get you in and out of there. I hadnt even sat down in the waiting room and they took me back for blood work. Then I flipped through a magazine for a few minutes and they took me back for the ultrasound. I spent approx 5 minutes in there (I didnt even wait more than 3 minutes all undressed and half naked on the table) and I was done. So the results as of now are that the doctor is a little disappointed that follicles are on the small side, a 12mm on lefty and smaller on the right side. I glanced at the screen when he measured my lining and it was a little above 7mm so I think that is pretty good. He said they will call me this afternoon and let me know when to come back based on my blood work results. He also wants us to BD the night before or morning of our next appointment so he can evaluate my CM, I have a feeling it is not optimal but we'll see. So hopefully Monday we'll get better news. As an aside, since it doesnt really matter with my monitoring, I did get Fertile Day 1 on the OvWatch this morning which I think lines up with the results of my u/s as long as my follicles continue to grow so that is semi-encouraging.

In other news, the adjuster came out to look at my car yesterday and is sending a check in the mail. They said my car should be fixed by the end of next week, YAY!

I managed to make it through my first round of clomid with some hot flashes but pretty minimal side effects overall. B says that I wasnt a total bitch so I feel like I have already accomplished something. I go in tomorrow for CD12 blood work and ultrasound. I hope that there is something there, I hope this has all been worth it and not another wasted cycle. I have actually been feeling some twinges and strange sensations which is unusual so I am hoping that there has been a lot of activity from my ovaries! Go ovaries go! I wish there was something I could do to help the response but I guess this medication is supposed to take care of that for me.

In non-tttc news, Christmas was fabulous! We are so lucky to have such great families. It was just what I needed when I was feeling down. Also, we are not going to the shore this weekend. With the monitoring tomorrow and everything else going on, it just isnt going to work out. That really stinks because it will be a while before we can get down there again but relaxing at home will be just as nice. I will update tomorrow with the results of the monitoring. Fingers crossed!!

Starting once again...

I think in the new year I am going to use this as an outlet. Posting on TTTC is a huge help but sometimes I just need to get all of my thoughts out. This is going to be pretty random for a little while until I am all caught up with what has been going on but I will give it a try. So here goes...

So I feel like we are just beginning this process and we have already been working at it for 14 months. We had our first meeting with an RE a few weeks ago and we are set to start our first cycle on 50mg of clomid, the possibility of a trigger and TI. The RE didnt set up CD3 bloodwork which worries me a little but he seems pretty confident that this is all it's going to take and we dont have any other issues since we were pregnant once before. I am anxious to get this process started. I am expecially anxious about my CD12 ultrasound and bloodwork. What if it says I am not responding? What if this whole cycle is a waste? I am trying to be optimistic because I was producing eggs before, my hormones just werent surging enough to release them, but I am still scared. So we are starting fertility treatments. I will be taking fertility drugs. I cant believe this is happening. This needs to work. I start tomorrow.

I do have to say that today isnt a bad day. Yesterday was an extremely bad day but today is much better. I am hopeful and optimistic. I am a little annoyed that we have to deal with this and it is already inconvenient. We are supposed to go to the shore for new years weekend with my family and I have my CD12 appointment that friday. Depending on how that goes, we may need to have another appointment over the weekend or we may need to BD multiple times over the weekend if the RE decides to trigger. Either way, a weekend at the shore sleeping on an air mattress in the living room is probably out of the question but we wont know for sure until that day. Annoying. Worth it, but annoying.

3 months later...

Well, we all know how that ended. Told everyone... everyone is excited... dr. appointment... ultrasound... blighted ovum... start naturally miscarrying... d&e... the end. It is amazing how quickly everything changes. So we are not going to dwell on the past (believe me, I have done it enough already), time to move forward. Project Fat Cat Baby (aka Little Big Head) is back underway. Hopefully there will be an update with good news soon, very soon because I dont know how much longer I can last. One more thing, I will never be able to thank everyone enough for all of their support during this time. I dont know how I would have made it through otherwise. I am so lucky.

PS Apparently, I have a very fertile yard (robins nest and rabbits nest). Hopefully some of their baby dust will be passed on to me.

Is that a line???

Thursday, March 1 - 6:00pm - After a few months of frustration I think I see a line. I'm not sure though, is it a line? Am I seeing things? Am I making it up? Should I tell B now or when I'm sure? No, I will wait to tell him, I would hate to disappoint him. Forget it, I am telling him, I am not going through this alone. After agonizing for what seems like forever, checking and re-checking and re-checking, I am going to tell him. I got him a cute little book titled, "My Boys Can Swim." Will he get it? I sure hope so! He walks in, I am trying to telepathically tell him to look at the book on the table. He walks around, does some stuff, damnit look at the book! FINALLY - "what's this?" "It's for you!" He opens it and now he knows... that I'm crazy. I show him the test (which was hiding under the junk mail). Does he see a line? He thinks so, there is definitely something there. I dont trust it. Dinner is in the oven and we make a quick trip over to Rite-Aid, can't go wrong with a digital. It says right on there - Pregnant or Not Pregnant. What a great invention. We relax for the rest of the evening while I prepare to take this one in the morning.

Friday, March 2 - 3:00am - I'm wide awake. How many more hours until I can take it? I can't go back to sleep, the anxiety is killing me. Around 3:30 I decide to turn on the tv (B is awake at this point as well). We watch All My Children which was tivo'd yesterday. Around 5:00 I just can't take it anymore. It is close enough to morning. So I pee and then wait... and wait... and wait for what seems like forever and then...PREGNANT! It says it right on there. No guessing about lines! After the excitment dies down (which doesnt take long considering it is 5am and we are exhausted) I get back into bed to try to get some sleep except now I can't sleep for another reason. We are going to have a baby! A BABY! I dont want to tell a soul, what if it isn't true? What if something happens? And then I ask B the most important question on my mind... "How long is the wait to get into the daycare are your work?" He promises to find out. I feel better and I can finally fall asleep for another hour until the alarm ruins it.

Today has been crazy. Is this real? Sometimes I forget for a minute (because I am actually trying to get some work done on this the craziest day of my life). Then it all comes back and I immediately search the internet for some tidbit of information that I must know immediately. What is my due date? How far along am I? What is the baby doing at this point? By the way the answers are November 7, 4 weeks and 2 days, and not much of anything besides forming all of its VITAL organs. I hope I don't mess this up! Of course my mom and dad are away this weekend. Do they ever go away? No! Why did they have to go away this weekend out of all of the possible weekends? How will I hold it in until they get home? I think they will be surprised. I want to tell the world, I want everyone to share in our excitement, but I can't. We have to wait. I have made my first appointment. It is March 15, only 2 weeks away which is sooner than I expected. I guess there is nothing else to do but wait and hope that everything is ok. And sleep, I am exhausted from being awake last night.

***Stick baby! Stick!***