10dpiui

sigh... I am just not feeling it. I am trying to hold onto little signs but deep down, I just dont think this is it. I decided to start temping a few days ago (I havent at all this cycle) just so I could see if it is going up or down since I am nearing the end of the cycle. The good news is that it is going up, +1 for pg. I feel like I dont have any symtoms except sore boobs which is a result of the prometrium, +1 for AF. I do have a really weird symtom, my nose looks different, I know that is odd but on my moms side, you can always tell someone is pregnant because their nose changes, +1 for pg. I took an hpt this morning, start white, +5 for AF. I am only 10dpiui so I will subtract most of those points (-4 for AF). So we end up with PG - 2, AF - 2. Not very convincing.

As each month goes by, I am getting closer and closer to starting the adoption process. I dont know how far into this I want to go. I know that we will have biological kids someday, we got pregnant before and our only real issue is that I dont ovulate. But when is that day going to come? Am I going to try to force my body to do something that it doesnt want to do for years when I could have started and possibly completed the adoption process by that point. It is just so hard to go forward with something that is going to cost $20-30k when I can continue with IF treatment for just a co-pay per appointment.

On Friday, I was at my mom's house. She had some friends over to play bunko, although we never got around to it. They all get together monthly and sometimes I go as well, they are close family friends and were all at my wedding. Anyway, towards the end of the night, it was just me, my mom, 2 of my aunts and 2 friends. We started talking about IVF and frozen embryos and what to do with them if you are finished having kids - donate, stem cell research or discard. It was really nice to hear their opinions because they seem to be really aware of the struggles associated with the decision and, after explaining a few things, how easy it could be to end up with extra embryos. I really hope that isnt a decision we are faced with, I hope we dont get to that point. I really hope that this is it and I dont need to worry about paying for adoption or frozen embryos. I hope but I dont have a good feeling about it.