6dpiui

This is the longest 2ww ever and I am getting really down today. I have been dvr-ing adoption stories and I feel like why am I spending all this time and energy on fertility treatments instead of adoption? The only answer I can come up with is that adoption is so expensive and we have insurance coverage for the fertility treatments. I am so drawn to adoption and I know we will do it some day but I wonder if we should just do it today. I am also hating my job and hating that our IF is keeping me at my job. I am starting to resent IF, who am I kidding, I have been resenting IF for a while but today is just not a good day. I dont feel like this cycle is going to work. Why would it? The others havent. I keep thinking about what my due date would be or what it would be like when the baby got here but it seems so far away. I should have a baby, I should be a mommy. This should have already happened. I know that feeling sorry for myself isnt going to help anything but too bad, I'm doing it anyway, so ha!

By the way, if I was having any symptoms right now they would be fatigue (I fell asleep at 8:15 tomorrow and I was exhausted all day, ready for bed now and it is 8:30), maybe some moodiness :), sore boobs - I am going to take my temp tomorrow morning to see how it looks just as something else to analyze. All of these things could be caused by my progesterone but it is some kind of fun torture to play this game.

In other news, B and I have been talking about buying a new house closer to his office in the next year or two. We will have to save a lot of money since we havent been in this house long enough to build up much equity. I dont know if we will even be able to save that much in year or two, actually I'm pretty sure that we cant, but we are going to try. Once we do have a baby and I'm not working it is going to be a lot harder to save so we are working on it as much as we can now. So the point of this story is that we are saving for this new house and it is going to take a long time to do it but as of this morning, I want to move immediately. My parents live 4 blocks away in the next township over. Last night, my dad heard about 20 gunshots at 2 in the morning. This wasnt the first time there have been gun shots. We live close to the city so things that start there sometimes end up here. One time a few years ago there was a car chase that came from the city into the next neighborhood over which is all huge million dollar houses with lots of land and a really nice, secluded, wooded area, there was a shoot out with the cops. Then last year a cop was chasing someone else all the way down the main road (from the city again) and ended up pulling off into the train station which is down the street from us (I walked home from there yesterday) and the cop shot and killed the guy. In November, I stopped at a local bakery to pick up a cupcake for my godsons first birthday. As we were walking from the car into the bakery a man mugged a woman right in front of us, in the middle of the day, with tons of people around. What happened to my neighborhood? It is too easy to get here from the city. We need to move north. So I looked online for info on the gunshots last night and there was nothing. My dad said he didnt hear sirens afterwards - by the way, if you are wondering why we didnt hear it, about a year ago there was a fire at an apartment building in my neighborhood maybe 2 blocks away, we didnt know about it until we saw it on the news the next day, I guess we are sound sleepers- so no sirens which he thought meant either that the cops were already involved like the chases before or the cops never got involved because no one called them. I just want to know what happened and why there was a shoot out within earshot of my house. Actually, knowing isn't that important to me because it doesnt matter why it happened. This is becoming too frequent, we need to move.