4w2d

So today I am scared. I have worked myself into a frenzy and am convinced that this is an ectopic pregnancy because I have read that high beta levels can indicate that. How high is high? I dont know so I asked TTTC and SAIF. Women who have experienced ectopics have reassured me that my doubling betas indicate that everything is fine, even if they are on the higher side of normal. So maybe I can calm down for about an hour. I was also worried because my boobs dont hurt as much as they did but that was cancelled out by the nausea that I felt when it had been 2 hours since eating last - note to self: have lots of snacks at the ready. I bought some jolly ranchers to try to deal with the nausea for the rest of the day so we'll see how they work. I heard that lemon is supposed to help but they dont make bags of just lemon jolly ranchers so hopefully all flavors will do the trick. Crap, I just looked at the bag and there arent any lemon at all! I am going to have to do some serious candy shopping, any suggestions on where to find the best variety? Maybe I will try the bulk candy place at the mall.

I am out at a new client today and there is a girl that works here and is probably 7-8 months pregnant - she is big but not quite bursting yet. It still stung a little bit to see her. Maybe because I'm not sure how this pregnancy is going to go yet. Maybe because I feel like I havent succeeded yet. I'm not really sure but I hope I get over that soon. I cant wait for the day when I can compare pregnancies with someone.

Until then... T-4 days until the ultrasound.

PS We (I) have decided to get a doppler once the heartbeat can be heard. I know people dont like it because it can cause panic but I panic every day anyway so it can't hurt, right?